He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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