Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize