New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
