dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
