I think i peed on brittanys purse
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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