I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
