so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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