I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
