Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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