I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
