I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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