nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
