Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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