Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
