Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
