i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
