i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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