TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
