there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
