You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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