u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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