just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
