I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
