Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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