tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
handjob tips. give me some.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
