I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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