Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
