The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
