Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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