my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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