God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
