so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
