this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
