Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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