I think i peed on brittanys purse
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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