She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
