I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
