every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
