I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize