I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
