FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize