I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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