Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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