weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
