Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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