so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
