roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
