tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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