The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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