**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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