is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
