I feel like abortions should bother me more
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
