Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
