you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
