It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
