just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize