What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
