cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
