i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
