Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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