"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are my feet made of real feet?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
