Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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