pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
