my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
