Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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