My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
where are you?
Hypothermia
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
