yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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