he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
