If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
