He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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