your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize