he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
