He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
