I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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