the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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