Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
