is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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