Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
