Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
