i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize