im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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