my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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