Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize