The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
