i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
