I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
