i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
