When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
