I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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