did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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