Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
