He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
