Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize