And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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