what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
