he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize