i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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