a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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