Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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