maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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