I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
