white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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