my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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