its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
