I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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